Stop wasting time on checklists

Sometimes we waste so much time trying to fulfill our little mental checklists of traits and qualities that we want our significant other to have, when really all that you need to check off on that list is whether or not you really love them; flaws included. That’s what loving someone means, not just taking someone at face value but experiencing their real worth, seeing them at their worst and at their best and still loving them and supporting them wholeheartedly. Relationships aren’t easy because it’s about the journey, it’s about getting through the tough parts because it’s worth it to you at the end of the day to still have that one person at your side. It’s about building something together, a process that takes time. So stop wasting your time. If you love them, do what you can to keep them.

Relationships: Want vs. Need

I think it’s such a important part of our individual growth when we can learn to distinguish whether we want something because it’s available and fills a certain gap within us, or whether we want something because deep down in our hearts we know it for a fact that that’s what we need.

Once you can face your fears head on, accept them, and work through them, you become one step closer towards reaching true inner bliss. For someone that has continuously been in a relationship after relationship and for someone who isn’t afraid of being vulnerable and welcoming love when it comes knocking, it’s hard to realize that maybe this time I truly need a change of pace. That maybe I’m not ready to open myself up for attachment at the moment. That maybe I don’t want to jump into something so fast knowing that I’m a very complex being and knowing that I need someone very special in my life who knows and understands me.

I mean what’s so wrong in wanting to share your life with someone who knows exactly what you’re feeling and why and what they can do to cheer you up or help you through it. Is that asking for too much? I mean isn’t that what a soulmate is supposed to be, your other half, the one who understands you better than you understand yourself?

The world is such a busy and hectic and difficult place to figure out and to live in, why is it seen as too much to ask to have someone who you don’t need to explain yourself to, someone who allows you to just sit back and relax from overworking yourself to be who the world needs you to be, and rather be the person that you need to be, the person that you are, the person that this someone loves for exactly that reason, you being you.

Being in love is my nature.

Of everything I have seen,
it’s you I want to go on seeing:
of everything I’ve touched,
it’s your flesh I want to go on touching.
I love your orange laughter.
I am moved by the sight of you sleeping.

What am I to do, love, loved one?
I don’t know how others love
or how people loved in the past.
I live, watching you, loving you.
Being in love is my nature.

-Pablo Neruda

Love for your own joy

Some people may find cliches cheesy but I personally find them very insightful, I mean they’re overused for a reason, and that reason is because they speak the truth, at least I think so. You know how people say that only we can create and control our own happiness and that we shouldn’t rely on others to make us happy? Well unfortunately I have officially learned that the hard way. Pain tends to change people, and when something happens in my life that causes me either emotional or mental pain, I tend to go into a very reflective state about not just my life but life in general, and that is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two months after a very painful break up.

Recently, having been playing the field again for the first time in two years, I have come to realize how there is a huge part in the art of loving someone that most people might not ever think about. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most people think that they should fall in love with someone who makes them feel good, who gives them butterflies, who treats them right, who can provide for their future family and all the other good stuff, right? Well almost. I’m not sure if anyone has come to this conclusion as well, but I think something that most people oversee is the fact that we also need to love someone who gives us joy to love. Not only do they need to bring us happiness, but by loving them, we should bring ourselves happiness.

We shouldn’t love someone just because they seem perfect or because we think that we should or because we think that we will never again find someone like them.

We shouldn’t love someone just because they give us butterflies in our stomachs, because they make us happy and giddy for no absolute reason, because they know little tricks for calming you down.

We should love someone because it gives us joy to open up our hearts to them.

Love someone for YOU.

The way I see it, loving someone for our own joy is just a deeper version of that heartwarming feeling we get when we know that we’ve made an impact on someone’s day, by reaching out and cheering them up on a bad day or just by sending them a quick text to know that they’re on our minds. Loving someone for ourselves means that WE will get to be the creators of our own happiness and that means being able to break out of that routine of being heavily dependent on someone else’s influence in our lives.

Making ourselves happy seems to be turning into a skill that must be acquired, when in reality it really should be a completely natural reflex in our daily lives. I have found that relying too much on someone else to make me happy is a dangerous thing. I mean we find someone who makes us happy, we start building a life together, and then all of a sudden we find ourselves alone, lost, not knowing where to go from there or what to do with ourselves.

Relationships require so much commitment, compromise and sometimes even sacrifices, that if loving the person we’re with doesn’t make us happy, then all of the work and effort that we continuously put into our relationships will only bring us down in the end. If going out of our way to make them smile doesn’t fill our hearts with joy, then why continue to be with them? I myself have experienced this. I have found myself capable of loving someone so unbearably much, that doing things for him, whether he had asked me to or it was out of my own good will, brought me so much joy. Doing something for someone because it will make them happy, is great, but when we can find ourselves doing something for someone that will make us and them happy all at once then that’s even better!

So I don’t know about you, but next time I fall in love, I’m going to make sure that I’m not only loving this person because they make me happy, but because in loving them, I make myself happy.

“Leaving is not…

“Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he’s never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don’t wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problems are papier mache puppets you made or bought because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did. And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries. Don’t lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street.”

Frida Kahlo

Fall In Love With Someone, Regardless Of What They Do

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:
Shutterstock I’ve been noticing a lot of articles about loving specific types of people, from travelers to artists to servicemen and beyond. They’re all beautifully written and are intended to make the subject feel special.…

An Ode to the Idealistic Hopeless Romantic Soul

For anyone that suffers from being a hopeless romantic, here goes something I wrote two years ago:

I know what I want.
It took me a few trials and errors,
But I know what I want.
I want you.
I know what makes me truly happy now.
You make me happy.
Just thinking of you, makes my problems go away.
When I’m frustrated with the rest of the world,
I can always count on you to put a smile on my face.
They might think they know you, but they really don’t.
But I’m glad.
Getting to know you has made me appreciate you all the more.
Mannerisms that I used to think were flaws,
are now seen through new eyes.
To me they are not flaws anymore, but silly quirks
that I love being able to recognize.
It’s hard going on about my daily routine, knowing I can’t fully be with you.
Knowing that at the end of the day, I’m going to bed alone,
with no one to hold and kiss goodnight.
Knowing that it might be another two weeks until I see you next.
But I have faith.
I have faith in love.
I have faith that we’ll get our chance.
If there’s one valuable lesson that I’ve learned so far, from being with you
is that, patience really is a virtue and that I am capable of being patient.
A lot can change in a year, and things between us can change,
And if that were to happen, well, my heart wouldn’t be the same,
but I would be happy in the end,
just knowing how much you’ve changed me, for the better.
How much you’ve taught me.
How much I’ve learned, about life and love, about me, about you,
and about doing what makes you happy.
Life goes on, and no matter what happens,
I’ll never forget you because as they say,
One never forgets their first love.

-L. Silahísa

 

They try to help but they just don’t understand

In the shadows lurk all of my deepest thoughts.
They come out when they think I should be asleep,
But they’re wrong; I’m wide awake.

Into the late hours of the night lurk all of my memories.
My subconscious must hate me because instead of opening up the good ones,
She sends me the ones I don’t dare to open while awake.

In the dark I lay processing all of this.
These thoughts about him.
These memories from better days.

I think something is wrong with my body.

Don’t they know the difference of when I’m asleep versus when I’m awake?

Although maybe it’s me that’s the problem…maybe it’s because I’ve turned my days into nights and my nights into days.
Maybe it’s because I’m trying so hard to get away from these thoughts and memories, but they don’t understand.
They want to help, but they don’t see that they’re hurting me.

I’ve tried stopping them. I’ve tried running away from them but…

I think it’s time I confront them head on.

Is that light ahead?

-L. Silahísa