Love for your own joy

Some people may find cliches cheesy but I personally find them very insightful, I mean they’re overused for a reason, and that reason is because they speak the truth, at least I think so. You know how people say that only we can create and control our own happiness and that we shouldn’t rely on others to make us happy? Well unfortunately I have officially learned that the hard way.┬áPain tends to change people, and when something happens in my life that causes me either emotional or mental pain, I tend to go into a very reflective state about not just my life but life in general, and that is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two months after a very painful break up.

Recently, having been playing the field again for the first time in two years, I have come to realize how there is a huge part in the art of loving someone that most people might not ever think about. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most people think that they should fall in love with someone who makes them feel good, who gives them butterflies, who treats them right, who can provide for their future family and all the other good stuff, right? Well almost. I’m not sure if anyone has come to this conclusion as well, but I think something that most people oversee is the fact that we also need to love someone who gives us joy to love. Not only do they need to bring us happiness, but by loving them, we should bring ourselves happiness.

We shouldn’t love someone just because they seem perfect or because we think that we should or because we think that we will never again find someone like them.

We shouldn’t love someone just because they give us butterflies in our stomachs, because they make us happy and giddy for no absolute reason, because they know little tricks for calming you down.

We should love someone because it gives us joy to open up our hearts to them.

Love someone for YOU.

The way I see it, loving someone for our own joy is just a deeper version of that heartwarming feeling we get when we know that we’ve made an impact on someone’s day, by reaching out and cheering them up on a bad day or just by sending them a quick text to know that they’re on our minds. Loving someone for ourselves means that WE will get to be the creators of our own happiness and that means being able to break out of that routine of being heavily dependent on someone else’s influence in our lives.

Making ourselves happy seems to be turning into a skill that must be acquired, when in reality it really should be a completely natural reflex in our daily lives. I have found that relying too much on someone else to make me happy is a dangerous thing. I mean we find someone who makes us happy, we start building a life together, and then all of a sudden we find ourselves alone, lost, not knowing where to go from there or what to do with ourselves.

Relationships require so much commitment, compromise and sometimes even sacrifices, that if loving the person we’re with doesn’t make us happy, then all of the work and effort that we continuously put into our relationships will only bring us down in the end. If going out of our way to make them smile doesn’t fill our hearts with joy, then why continue to be with them? I myself have experienced this. I have found myself capable of loving someone so unbearably much, that doing things for him, whether he had asked me to or it was out of my own good will, brought me so much joy. Doing something for someone because it will make them happy, is great, but when we can find ourselves doing something for someone that will make us and them happy all at once then that’s even better!

So I don’t know about you, but next time I fall in love, I’m going to make sure that I’m not only loving this person because they make me happy, but because in loving them, I make myself happy.