Sometimes we waste so much time trying to fulfill our little mental checklists of traits and qualities that we want our significant other to have, when really all that you need to check off on that list is whether or not you really love them; flaws included. That’s what loving someone means, not just taking someone at face value but experiencing their real worth, seeing them at their worst and at their best and still loving them and supporting them wholeheartedly. Relationships aren’t easy because it’s about the journey, it’s about getting through the tough parts because it’s worth it to you at the end of the day to still have that one person at your side. It’s about building something together, a process that takes time. So stop wasting your time. If you love them, do what you can to keep them.
I think it’s such a important part of our individual growth when we can learn to distinguish whether we want something because it’s available and fills a certain gap within us, or whether we want something because deep down in our hearts we know it for a fact that that’s what we need.
Once you can face your fears head on, accept them, and work through them, you become one step closer towards reaching true inner bliss. For someone that has continuously been in a relationship after relationship and for someone who isn’t afraid of being vulnerable and welcoming love when it comes knocking, it’s hard to realize that maybe this time I truly need a change of pace. That maybe I’m not ready to open myself up for attachment at the moment. That maybe I don’t want to jump into something so fast knowing that I’m a very complex being and knowing that I need someone very special in my life who knows and understands me.
I mean what’s so wrong in wanting to share your life with someone who knows exactly what you’re feeling and why and what they can do to cheer you up or help you through it. Is that asking for too much? I mean isn’t that what a soulmate is supposed to be, your other half, the one who understands you better than you understand yourself?
The world is such a busy and hectic and difficult place to figure out and to live in, why is it seen as too much to ask to have someone who you don’t need to explain yourself to, someone who allows you to just sit back and relax from overworking yourself to be who the world needs you to be, and rather be the person that you need to be, the person that you are, the person that this someone loves for exactly that reason, you being you.
Some people may find cliches cheesy but I personally find them very insightful, I mean they’re overused for a reason, and that reason is because they speak the truth, at least I think so. You know how people say that only we can create and control our own happiness and that we shouldn’t rely on others to make us happy? Well unfortunately I have officially learned that the hard way. Pain tends to change people, and when something happens in my life that causes me either emotional or mental pain, I tend to go into a very reflective state about not just my life but life in general, and that is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two months after a very painful break up.
Recently, having been playing the field again for the first time in two years, I have come to realize how there is a huge part in the art of loving someone that most people might not ever think about. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most people think that they should fall in love with someone who makes them feel good, who gives them butterflies, who treats them right, who can provide for their future family and all the other good stuff, right? Well almost. I’m not sure if anyone has come to this conclusion as well, but I think something that most people oversee is the fact that we also need to love someone who gives us joy to love. Not only do they need to bring us happiness, but by loving them, we should bring ourselves happiness.
We shouldn’t love someone just because they seem perfect or because we think that we should or because we think that we will never again find someone like them.
We shouldn’t love someone just because they give us butterflies in our stomachs, because they make us happy and giddy for no absolute reason, because they know little tricks for calming you down.
We should love someone because it gives us joy to open up our hearts to them.
Love someone for YOU.
The way I see it, loving someone for our own joy is just a deeper version of that heartwarming feeling we get when we know that we’ve made an impact on someone’s day, by reaching out and cheering them up on a bad day or just by sending them a quick text to know that they’re on our minds. Loving someone for ourselves means that WE will get to be the creators of our own happiness and that means being able to break out of that routine of being heavily dependent on someone else’s influence in our lives.
Making ourselves happy seems to be turning into a skill that must be acquired, when in reality it really should be a completely natural reflex in our daily lives. I have found that relying too much on someone else to make me happy is a dangerous thing. I mean we find someone who makes us happy, we start building a life together, and then all of a sudden we find ourselves alone, lost, not knowing where to go from there or what to do with ourselves.
Relationships require so much commitment, compromise and sometimes even sacrifices, that if loving the person we’re with doesn’t make us happy, then all of the work and effort that we continuously put into our relationships will only bring us down in the end. If going out of our way to make them smile doesn’t fill our hearts with joy, then why continue to be with them? I myself have experienced this. I have found myself capable of loving someone so unbearably much, that doing things for him, whether he had asked me to or it was out of my own good will, brought me so much joy. Doing something for someone because it will make them happy, is great, but when we can find ourselves doing something for someone that will make us and them happy all at once then that’s even better!
So I don’t know about you, but next time I fall in love, I’m going to make sure that I’m not only loving this person because they make me happy, but because in loving them, I make myself happy.